If you’re an equestrian or you’ve ever dated one, then you know that a whole different set of rules applies to this breed of human. Equestrians have a passion that’s unlike any other. Here are the rules for dating an Equestrian.
1) They WILL have layers of clothes and muddy boots….either provide a place for them to drop these things or don’t whine about the mess.
2) Expensive tack is still cheaper than the horse and human medical bills that can result from cheap tack. Good tack also lasts longer than the horse. Don’t question the tack.
3) One horse is never enough. Don’t even question this. It is a law of the universe.
4) Caring for the horse is ALWAYS more expensive than the horse. Whining about the purchase price is pointless.
5) When they say, “I’m just going to stop out at the barn for a few minutes.” you should probably just make plans on your own the rest of the day.
6) That not-a-morning-person that you are used to will completely disappear on the mornings a trailer must be hooked up for a horse-related event. They will be replaced by a bright-eyed super-intense type-A psycho who will NOT care that you need 5 more minutes for your coffee because they need to be at the barn at 5:45 am PRECISELY.
7) Vet bills for horses start at 4-digits and go up from there. If it’s less than $1000, pay it quickly and run out of the vet’s office before the horse suddenly develops another problem.
8 ) No matter how badly your significant other is injured, you should NEVER blame the horse. In fact, don’t mention the injury or the horse if you can avoid it. Suggesting they should avoid riding until they are healed will probably get you a crutch upside the head.
9) If you don’t know what to get for a holiday or birthday, a gift card to the feed store is ALWAYS a good option. If you have messed up somehow, this is an excellent way to get out of the dog house. The value should reflect how much trouble you are in. A bouquet of feed store gift cards is generally sufficient to cover very bad mistakes, such as burning down the house or crashing the truck.
10) Your equestrian will be fine if you have your own hobbies and interests. In fact, you had better get your own hobbies and interests. If you want to spend significant time with your equestrian, you need to develop a useful skill…..such as driving a tractor, shoveling, operating a video camera, leatherwork of any sort, or becoming a veterinarian.
11) Trucks are not optional. Yes, the truck and trailer rig will likely be at least half the cost of your house. Arguing about this is unwise, your equestrian will happily LIVE in the truck and trailer and suggest selling the house.
12) Horse craziness is hereditary, generally passed down the maternal lines, but can be present on the males side as well. Prepare for this when planning children.
13) If you need your equestrian to spend more time at home, we suggest building a barn on your property.
14) Dates should be planned in a different county from where the horse is located. If the equestrian gets within 50 miles of the horse, they will need to stop by. You will be stuck there, see point number 5 above.
15) Never make it a competition between you and the horse. New significant others generally cost less money and are faster to train than a new horse. Just saying.”